An Open Letter to White Male Tears

Hey there big guy. Hey.  Looks like you’re having kind of a rough day.  Did the mean ladies on twitter make you sad again?  Did they say that your tone policing was unwelcome and that maybe you shouldn’t try to jump into a conversation that was happening long before you came along? Did they decide your witty two thousand word blog post on the issue was unnecessary and condescending?  Kind of like the patriarchy?

It’s okay. No really, it is. Because those mean old ladies are going to get shouted down just as soon as you send off one or two “woe is me” tweets about the incident.  Especially if those ladies are ladies who like ladies. Or even worse, brown ladies. Or angry feminist ladies.

A bevy of well-meaning men and women, not the group you offended earlier, not those harpies, but the ones who have only heard YOUR side of the story, the important side of the story, will show up and dry your tears. They will validate your existence and your enlightened opinion.  After all, you are an ALLY! You TRIED.  You should get cookies, not criticism.

After your cheering section has reinflated your poor, bruised ego they will lift you up as an ally.  “We stand with this poor man who had the misfortune to run afoul of feminists!” they will say. “Not good feminists like us, but bad feminists, the kind who criticize straight white men when they invade a space not theirs.  The kind who shame intrusive male behavior.  We should all appreciate the nice guy.  The nice guy is an ALLY.  He is also marginalized. Everyone knows the A in QUILTBAG is for Ally!”

And then, once elevated on the shoulders of the women you shamed but who don’t feel like they were being shamed, and the men who have consistently demonstrated misogynist behavior, you will be free to shout your enlightened white male opinion from the rooftops once more. Because you are an Ally.

So hang in there friendly neighborhood white dude.  Things are rough now but they’ll get better.  You'll come back stronger and with at least a thousand extra followers on the twtter.

You always do.